Un Gran Sonrisa

22 of November 2013

So all day I’ve been wondering how I would present the events of today to you. It really was one of those weird kinds of days, where things begin to mend and I could finally see the pot of gold at the end of my harrowing rainbow. Have I ever mentioned I’m a dark sort of person? Rainbows + Maia + Butterfly Ponies that Poop Gumdrops never really resonated with me, even when I was younger.  I tend to have severe and sarcastic reactions to negative scenarios, so I’ve never regarded myself as “happy”- I talked to you about that a couple posts ago. Today, friends, I am happy though- rainbows, gumdrop pooping ponies, and all. I came home, walked into my kitchen, and declared that I’d celebrate my day by eating. I started out with some rice…

Another day, I thought as I trudged up the gritty stairs to Tercero Secundaria. I’d totally given up hope that things would ever be better between me and Juan and Sammy, that the rift that pulled us each separate ways would ever let us pull back together. To my evident surprise, as we were waiting outside for the door to our classroom to be unlocked, Juan called out my name. “Maia,” he leaned over the edge of the balcony to look at me. My head snapped up in his direction, almost certain I’d heard wrong, or maybe now I was hallucinating in the wake of my rejection. But no, I turned and stepped to the other side of the balcony and Juan was walking towards me with  poster, his project for computadoras. I have to back up a bit here, for the last couple weeks everyone in my class, except for me, have been making up board games with academic-related questions to basically move your pieces across the board. Juan smiled down at me- he’s about six feet tall and I’m a mere five foot- and awkwardly asked if I could help him spice up his poster with my artistic flairs. That request really set my jets on fire: he’s been lying about me and giving me the silent treatment and death-stares ever since the Monday after Tepeyak. How dare he come up to me- sheepishly, granted- with a request to basically complete his project for him! I smiled and said okay. He explained that he wanted me to add branches to the makeshift trunk he created with the spaces for the pieces to travel along. I ended up sitting at a desk with a rainbow- there’s that darn rainbow imagery again- of markers in my hair, behind my ears, and nudged in between my knees for about an hour and a half drawing the branches and my added fluff of a leaves to fill the space at the bottom. Nico asked me to draw a brain for him on his game board and I accepted his pleas as well. Santos sat in the desk next to me and asked for girl advice while racking my brain for historical questions to add to his game. I’ve been pleased in the last week how Malakai, Santos, and Max are growing more comfortable around me again, and Santos weighing his decisions on my advice made me, for a minute, forget the party and Sammy and isolation and the last couple weeks. I laughed at almost everything today. But what made me smile the biggest was the end of the day. Christy was picking Kira and I up from school today and as I was waiting downstairs, I left the group of boys I was talking to and stood by the stairwell. I don’t know exactly why, now that I think about it, but it was one of the best sub conscience decisions I’ve made in a while. Juan came down the stairs, not quite gangly but immensely tall, and after he called out to someone, he leaned down and gave me a kiss on my cheek. I can’t really remember what it was he said, something along the lines of “Goodbye” or “See ya later”, but the kind gesture that I used to know so well sent me spinning. I’m almost positive I brought my hand to his cheek, and I’m not sure if I even responded to my friend, but somehow I have a feeling he knows what he did for me.

After finishing off a bowl of rice, I fixed myself some organic cereal. Then I realized we were out of soy milk, so I ate a handful of the dry stuff and handed off the cereal to Delilah so I could look for more food.

Sammy’s sister is a friend of my sister’s, and she frequently reports to Kira bits of gossip about people around the school. Once, Kira told me Katie had said that they were going to be in-laws, since Sammy and I were going to be together. My biggest regret about this whole fiasco would be going to that dumb party to start with, but then the teenaged side of me retorts that it’s okay to have fun every once in a while and how unfair it is to have that taken away just because some people enjoy telling tall tales. Then my inner forty year old diplomatically replies that everything that went on at that party was T-R-O-U-B-L-E and it wasn’t me to be in a setting like that. Teenage Maia argues that I get to have fun, and trouble makes a helluva story. I know I’m alive when I get into bad situations, and the adrenaline rush of the night makes me high. I’ll never want or need drugs- I feel a rush when I’m watching my reflection elongate my eyelashes with that black stuff, and I look half-mast and ready for anything. Forty year old Maia shakes her head and mutters, “You can’t even follow the good life tips you give yourself, when are you going to listen to me? Every time you don’t, you end up getting into a pickle. But you go off make your choices in spite of common sense then.’ Teenaged Maia scoffs and tries to make a good point for her case. ‘You never break the rules just for the heck of it. You break ’em when you need to, standing up for what you believe in, and that’s the darnedest best reason to break a rule.’ And then I settle on that last statement and get on breaking more rules. Talk about schizophrenia.

I’m really stuck about that party still though. Morally, the whole thing was wrong. But it was fun. If I hadn’t had gone, I would’ve had no problems with my friends, but they wouldn’t mean as much to me without the conflict. Now, as we heal together, I can really call them my family. In spite of our troubles, we came back together. For homework in Espanol, we had to respond to the question: “Que es el amor para tu?” So this is what I wrote:

Mi amor es mi clase. Somos una familia grande y todos tienen problemas, pero somos esta una familia buena. Me gusta Alex porque el esta muy comico y tiene una gran bisa. Luis es el mejor de fútbol y me dice “tu eres fea” pero es falso- Luis tiene una personalidad muy atractiva. Max es muy guapo y tiene un gran futuro. Skylar tiene una personalidad muy divertida y cierta- Maria también. Frida, Kary, Camila, y Abi son chicas bonitas y talentosas. Malakai es un chico muy divertido e interesante. Quiero conocerlo mejor. Alma tiene problemas con su vida, pero te amo mi amiga guapísima. Orlando es mi mejor amigo en mi clase porque Sammy no habla conmigo ahora desfortunamente. Oasis, Nico, Kaiulani y Gisell están amigos muy bueno y leal. Juan tiene muy buena personalidad, es muy fuerte, talentoso, y muy protector con su amigos. Cada día, intento habla con Juan otra vez, pero el no quiere. Estoy triste porque Juan es un chico especial. Pero, mi amigo favorito es Sammy. Sammy esta muy enojado conmigo ahora porque piensa yo soy una persona mala porque escucha rumores falsos. Sammy es honesto, respetuoso, inteligente, guapo, importante, fuerte, y muy bueno. Te extraño Sammy mucho. Cuando Sammy sonríe, yo sonríe. No creo que ha ja hay mejor familia. Los amo mis amigos de Tercero de Secundaria mucho, mucho, mucho.

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